Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
