This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
