This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
