Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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