We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
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