You smell like a Billy Joel song
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
