Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Randomize
