well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
