My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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