if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize
