I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Randomize
