when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
if only i could text you this smell
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
