hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
pop tarts are not kleenex
She's like a pop up book from hell.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
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