I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
