I like to think it a success when the cops are called
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
it was like having sex with a tree stump
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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