I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
