Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
