but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
