we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
