I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
