is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
