thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Randomize
