The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
