dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
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