I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
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