Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
