I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize