There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
