Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
