M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
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