Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
