is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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