i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Randomize
