i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Panties = found
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
