Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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