she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
