I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
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