Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize
