So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
being pregnant is like rehab
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
