I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
