this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I lost the right to judge tonight
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Randomize
