Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
