So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
This is my gift to your gina
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Randomize
