I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
