Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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