We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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