That arnold schwarzeneger picture looks strikingly similar to paul
Not half as good looking as paul
I'd say paul has bigger bicep peaks, but who am I to judge
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Randomize
