I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Randomize
