for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Randomize
