ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
