yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Still dying that you shit outside
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
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