But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Randomize