I will die if light touches me.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
