That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
I am midnight drunk by noon
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Randomize
