he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
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