new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
