trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
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