tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
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