a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
