Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Randomize
