Tell her she can't have a vagina
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Randomize
