I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
