this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Randomize
