I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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