You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
God I need to hump something, right now.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
